


Yes But Can Ants FEEL

by DaniJayNel



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, F/F, Oneshot, Ymir makes no sense, crackfic, lots of sexual talk, she's drunk on exhaustion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-18 10:42:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8159273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniJayNel/pseuds/DaniJayNel
Summary: Historia wakes up at 1 AM and finds Ymir in her room, sleep deprived and saying the weirdest things Historia has ever heard. Apparently that's just something she does. And yeah, do ants feel anything at all?





	

**Author's Note:**

> sweet jesus a lot of what Ymir says in this I have rambled to my girlfriend and friend, which I aplogize for, because it's almost 3 AM right now and I am TIRED FUCK. I must not do this again. Ymir and I get super weird at this level of exhaustion lmao but enjoy

Historia woke from a deep, wonderful sleep, not entirely sure why she had been so suddenly thrown awake. She blinked up at the dark ceiling, then squinted at her bedside clock.

1:58 AM. What the fuck?

She closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep, but couldn’t. Her throat felt too dry and her bladder was full, so with a resigned sigh she left the warmth of her blankets and padded over to the bathroom to relieve herself, and then went to the kitchen afterwards to down a glass of water. When she left the kitchen, she noticed a light on down the hallway. Furrowing her brows, Historia made her way over and cautiously pushed the door open.

“Uh, Ymir?”

Ymir lay slumped on her beanbag chair, brown eyes lidded as she stared silently up at her ceiling. When she didn’t immediately respond, Historia went over and lightly kicked her shoe. Ymir’s head fell forward, gaze dazed yet eyes newly widened. The whites of her eyes were pink.

“Historia?” Ymir breathed. “What year is it?”

Historia squinted and took a seat on the floor. “It’s 2016, Ymir. What are you doing up so late?”

Ymir sighed loudly and lifted a PS4 controller. “I have not slept in three days.”

“Three days?” Historia exclaimed. “Why on earth would you do that?”

Ymir gestured wildly to her screen, where her it showed a huge, red ‘defeated’ sign with an option to ‘call for help’ or ‘release’ below it. “I had the fucking world in my palm!” Ymir shouted, large hand outstretched. “And then I just…” she clenched it into a fist. “Shoved it up my ass.”

Historia felt her eyebrows lift impossibly high. “Uh…”

“Like, what’s the point even?” Ymir tossed the controller aside, uncaring when it landed safely on her bed. She plopped back down and groaned. “God, I feel so gross.”

“Well, have you showered at all?”

“Showering is for the weak, His’. I’m not weak.”

Historia wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that, so she didn’t. She clasped her hands together and waited. This had only happened once before, and it had been utterly amazing. The most amusing early morning of Historia’s life. She hoped that this was the same as that time, because then she definitely didn’t want to head on back to bed. She wondered what Ymir had in store for her.

“Do you think oranges feel it when we eat them?” Ymir suddenly blurted.

Historia pressed her lips together, determined not to laugh. “I don’t think so. They don’t have brains that can perceive pain.”

“Perceive pain,” Ymir repeated. She lifted her arm and reached for the ceiling. “Do ants feel pain?”

“I… I don’t know. I think so? I mean, they’re just ants, but…”

“Yes, but do they _feel,_ Historia. What if they did? What if they had little families and jobs and we mass murder them?”

“Then I suppose that’s a crime we must live with.”

Ymir sat up suddenly. “You know, when I was a kid someone dared me to eat an ant,” she started. Historia scooted closer, eager to listen. “But the fucking thing bit my tongue. I still don’t know if I swallowed it or not. What kind of retard tries to eat a fire ant?”

“Your kind, apparently,” Historia suggested. Ymir glared at her, so she grinned. “Do you think you deserved it?”

“Well I was eating the thing, so maybe. Hey, do you know Gunther?”

“Um, no?”

“Shame. The butts are really nice.”

Historia had to take a deep, even breath to prevent her laughter. “If you say so.”

“You know, earlier I fell on the floor and ripped a huge ass hole in my pants.” Ymir shoved her hand past the waistband of her shorts, and then four fingers slid back out into the open right at her crotch. Historia wondered how she hadn’t noticed the hole before. “I can fit four fingers in my hole,” Ymir shouted. “IN MY HOLE.”

 _I am an adult,_ Historia reminded herself. _A mature, well-adjusted adult._

“It’s like I’m fisting myself,” Ymir exclaimed in distress. “Oh god, imagine an entire arm up my ass. Wouldn’t that hurt?”

Historia went red in the face thanks to the force of the laughter bubbling up inside of her. She really didn’t want to laugh quite yet, but it was proving more difficult with every absurd thing Ymir came up with. Ymir eyed her suspiciously, frowning.

“What, does the image of an arm up my asshole arouse you?”

Historia pressed a hand to her mouth. “Oh yes Ymir, definitely. Shove it up there mmm.” She snorted rather loudly and her cheeks puffed up, but she choked her laughter down in time.

“Listen, Imma ‘bout to kink shame the fuck out of you. Gross.”

“Hey, you said it, not me.”

“At least I don’t get moist to fisting,” Ymir shot back. “Who came up with fisting anyway? Who was having sex and stopped to go, ‘you know what, I want to shove my hand in your ass. Let’s do that’, and then their partner just went ‘holy shit yeah sounds great, put that in me right now’. Why the fuck does the human race do this?” She fell silent, staring down at her hands with a disgusted, distressed look on her face.

“Are you okay?”

“No one is okay,” Ymir responded.

“Don’t you want to go to sleep, Ymir? You’re delirious again and I think you’re going to regret most of what you’re saying.” Sure, it was super amusing, but Historia also loved and cared about Ymir, and she knew that it took a very high level of exhaustion for Ymir to get like this.

“I’m sorry,” Ymir breathed, running a hand over her face. “I get super weird like this. I’m too tired to sleep. It’s like… my brain just starts running all over the place.”

“I noticed.”

“Can we cuddle?”

Historia rolled her eyes. “We’re dating.”

“Yes, I’m aware. But can we cuddle. I know it’s not quite fisting, but I think I need something to stop me from slamming my head into the ground to end this torture.”

Historia finally burst out laughing. She endured Ymir’s death glare and eventually recovered. “Okay, let’s hop into my bed. Put your console off.”

Ymir scrambled to do just that. While they walked down the hallway to Historia’s room, Ymir started singing softly. She pressed a hand to Historia’s lower back, and then leaned in close.

“Hey how you doin’ lil mama lemme whisper in your ear, tell you somethin’ that you might like to hear. Wait til you see my dick.” Historia resisted the urge to whirl around and punch Ymir, but they were right by her room and Ymir was pressed up against her back. “Imma beat dat pussy up.”

“Ymir.”

“Do you want me to beat your pussy up?”

“No. Let’s go to sleep.”

“No fisting?”

Historia shoved Ymir over onto the bed. “Close that pretty mouth, shut your eyes and _sleep._ ”

Ymir laughed. “But I have one more thing to say, then I’ll relax. I promise.”

Historia crossed her arms over her chest. “Fine.”

“Two to the one from the one to the three, I like good pussy and I like good tree. Smoke so much weed you wouldn’t believe, and I get more ass than a toilet seat.”

Historia grabbed her pillow and slapped Ymir full on in the face with it. “Behave,” she warned. “And no wandering hands. I swear I’ll tell our friends that this happens to you when you’re sleep deprived. I have recordings.”

Ymir, still snickering, lifted her hands in surrender. She scooted over so that Historia could climb into the bed, and then cuddled up against her from behind. Historia found that, like this, she could definitely fall asleep without a problem. But then Ymir continued singing and Historia wondered why they were dating.

“I want a bitch that sit at the crib with no panties on, knows that she can but she won’t say no.” She wiggled around in the bed, humming the rest of the song, and then she started snickering. “Hey, Historia. I fucking hate the colour yellow. It makes me depressed. What is up with yellow? Who even likes yellow?”

Historia sighed.

**Author's Note:**

> I really fucking hate yellow. Like. Ugh.


End file.
